Part-Time… everything

I'm a part-time worker at several jobs right now... I'm still underemployed. I haven't found a full-time position… So I have taken on a few retail options for the time being. Money is tighter than ever before. I'm more afraid than ever. But I'm also more determined than ever before.

I skipped my race on Sunday. I feel bad about that because I paid the entry fee… so it feels like wasted money. I also feel bad because I hadn't dedicated any time to run last week. Starting new jobs is stressful though. I also needed rest because I was certain I was going to catch a cold. Thank goodness I didn't. A little extra sleep and some vitamin C went a long way for my health.

So in addition to being a part-time worker in so many jobs, I appear to also be living part-time. Nothing in my life seems fully committed right now--running included. I'm a part-time runner...

I've felt sluggish these past few times at the gym. I'm running my last race for 2013 on Sunday--the Marshall University Half Marathon. Yes, you're right. I was supposed to be running the full marathon--my first one. But I switched races a week ago because I'm not convinced that I am ready to run the full marathon. I don't feel like I've trained well enough. My first marathon will be a different one. Just not right now.

I'm juggling quite a few things and don't feel "all there" in a variety of circumstances, but I'm pushing onward. What I'm doing is just how I have to live my life right now. It's not forever. (I have to keep telling myself that.)

Running maintains my sanity

It does. Running helps me maintain my sanity. Even though I don't do it as much as I should (according to my training program).

And what am I training for?

I'm glad you asked. :)

Sunday, October 13th I am running my second half marathon! It's exciting for me because one of my closest friends recently caught the running bug and this will be the first time we run together because she's not local.

I feel MUCH more prepared for this race than I did for my first half marathon. I think that feeling is accurate because of two main differences: 1) My asthma is under control. 2) I have a stronger base.

Am I worried? A little. Sometimes that left achilles pipes up and I wish it wouldn't. Also, there's potential that the humidity will be higher than here at home. The race is on Staten Island, so I'm not sure what to expect.

So because I'm actually crazy, Saturday the following week (October 19) I'm running a brand new 5k. Then the first weekend the following month (November 3) I'm running Pittsburgh's first 10 miler. And the following week? My first marathon (November 10).

I'm nervous about the marathon because I haven't run that far yet, but I know from the half marathon I have a decent base. Besides, if I want to stop running after just the half I can. That's nice to know, but right now I'm planning like I'm going to run the full.

And this craziness maintains my sanity amid loneliness, joblessness, moneylessness, insurancelessness, and (sometimes) hopelessness.

Conquering Asthma: breathing through my nose

I'm excited to share that I'm making significant progress on my asthma problem.

How do I know? Did I go to the doctor? (No, I don't even have insurance right now, so that's out of the question.) How do I know I'm getting better?

I ran my entire 12 mile long run on Sunday while breathing through my nose. That's right--no open mouth breathing, no gasping, no out-of-breath feelings. I ran 12 miles straight and didn't lose my breath. Not even going up (several) hills.

This is HUGE! I've been trying to breathe through my nose more as I run to help filter the air I take in (something useful when pollen and allergens are nature's confetti), but this was the first real run I did with NO mouth breathing.

I'm delighted.

I still take my rescue inhaler with me (better safe than sorry), and I still take my asthma medications every day (though getting them at a reasonable cost soon may be difficult if I don't find a way to get health insurance). But I feel so FREE when I don't need to THINK about breathing. Free! Free, at last!

This is a milestone for me. My body is strong enough to run the distance and my lungs can now keep up. I feel incredible.

Killing the Hills

So yesterday's 5k was good by all standards--breathing, endurance, and completion--except speed. But I'm not upset about not getting a new PR. I realized about half way through the race that I wasn't going to hit my target. And do you know why that is?

I breathe really hard going up hills and I usually have to slow way down to catch my breath. Running small hills or flat surfaces allows me to really get my asthmatic breathing under control. I feel so good running now that it's hard to compare it to how I felt a year ago before I really got serious about controlling my asthma.

Hills. They are not my favorite. Unfortunately for me, I live in western Pennsylvania where hills are just what the doctor ordered.

Thursday afternoon I took a run around my neighborhood and challenged myself to run this one road that goes towards my house. It is basically a roller coaster.

Starting out flat, it progresses into a steep turn. It flattens out slightly for about a quarter mile, then there is an S-curve dip (where most cars cross the lines because they take it too fast).

What next? An uphill climb that provides, when you crest it, a beautiful view of your next two hill. Yes, there are more. Up and down until a final downhill coast around a bend. I've included these pictures of my hilly route (in the order they appear). They can't quite capture all the steepness and rolling hill feeling you get while running them.

At yesterday's race, Run Around the Square (Pittsburgh), I know I did better than I did the previous year, especially with the hills. The course is the same. It runs through one of Pittsburgh's parks, so it's part (brick) road course, part trail course.

When I realized I was going up one of the longer hills, I took note of how I felt doing it and recognized that I was doing really well.

I think some of that is due to my work on the *mental* aspect of climbing hills. I used to stare down the crest of the hill. Not anymore. I find little landmarks to stare down. Once I reach the landmark, I pick a new one.

Usually it goes like this:
"Okay, I'm feeling a little tired up this hill. Get to that crack in the pavement. Then you can stop."

Then I reach the crack in the pavement and still feel tired--but not any worse (this is my key). So then I choose someone's mailbox, a certain tree, a road sign, a crosswalk, a rock... whatever. I run to that and see how I feel.

When I get to the top of the hill, I feel like a real champ. Like a million dollars.

What's funny about my new hilly route is that the hills just keep coming! So it's a real mental workout on top of my physical workout.

My goal is to run this hilly road at minimum twice a month (every other week) to build my stamina.

When I include a few other roads from my house, this makes a nice four mile loop. Completely do-able and not ridiculous. I know these are a weakness of mine, so I'm really going to focus on it to come out on top.

Do you/did you struggle with hills? Any other tips on how to master these landforms?

Knitting my first baby blanket

I started on this awhile ago and without any real idea of how long it would take to knit, but I'm finally finished knitting my first baby blanket!


It's for one of my dear friends (a professor of mine from college who I've become close with) who had her baby in February. Sure, I would've liked to have the blanket done for his big debut, but like I said... I had no clear idea of what it would take to knit a crib-sized blanket.

I love it. The blanket is soft, snugly knit, and very textured. There's a seed-stich border and the knit/purl combo in the pattern I used makes knitted squares separated by lines of purls for a nice grid look.

The yarn is machine washable--very baby- and user-friendly thanks to soft knit acrylic and wool Plymouth Yarn.

I washed the blanket when I was done knitting it and cleaning up loose edges. Now I have it all wrapped up for gift giving!

I'm so excited to give my blanket to my friend for her sweet little one!

I'll be adding the blanket to my Knitting tab (at the top of my blog) as my latest accomplishment. :)

Adventures in Nutrition: Arbonne Fit Kit Detox (review)

June 1st through 30th I removed all gluten and dairy from my diet and followed the Arbonne Detox Fit Kit.

Now let's get this straight--this was not easy, especially when much of your diet is wheat- or dairy-based. I think I chose a good time of year to do this experiment. Fruits and vegetables abound, making my food prep fairly easy and straightforward.

Now the specific Arbonne products...

The whole Fit Kit: chocolate protein powder, vanilla protein
powder, two boxes of herbal detox tea, citrus fizz sticks,
pomegranate fizz sticks, lemon fit chews, caramel fit chews,
and daily fiber boost. 

Protein mix - I used coconut milk and a banana in every shake I made. Initially I struggled with grittiness, but once I began using bananas I found the thickened consistency to be pleasant. (I wasn't doing the detox to lose weight, so the banana fit my plan. Others who were trying to lose weight most likely didn't use bananas since they're considered extra sugar, etc.) I noticed that mixing frozen fruit changed the flavor more effectively than fresh fruit (with the exception of the banana). I was most pleased by the way my GI tract handled the protein. I've gone through several brands trying to find something that didn't bother the "I" part of GI, if you know what I mean. My only real complaint was that the zipper closures on the bags weren't that great, so I ended up using a clip on the bag to make sure everything stayed fresh. Both chocolate and vanilla flavors were satisfying, but I enjoyed mixing things up with the vanilla mix most. Coconut milk, pineapple, banana, and orange juice were amazing mixed with the vanilla shake.

Energy fizz sticks - Delicious. I was originally nervous about using these since they were supposed to be replacements for coffee and other caffeinated beverages because I don't do well with caffeine anymore. (Before my tumor I was fine... Now that I've only got one adrenal gland and no tumor making extra adrenaline, if I have a cup of coffee I usually end up feeling really loopy.) But I didn't feel jacked by the energy aspect of these drink mixes. The flavors were nice--citrus and pomegranate--and I was pleased that I could have even two of these in a day and not feel crazy. My only complaint is the little perforated area to tear open the packets was usually insufficient for opening it. I often had to use scissors to open it, which makes it slightly less convenient for on-the-go drink portability.

Herbal detox tea - This is amazing as sun tea. Herbal iced tea is one of my favorite things to drink in the summertime, but making sun tea with this particular tea was really enjoyable. I used five tea bags per quart and no added sweetener.

Fit chews - I had to keep these in the refrigerator after a bad experience with the wax paper not peeling off of the chew. The consistency is like salt water taffy. The lemon is my favorite flavor. Caramel was okay, but not as satisfying as the lemon was, as a replacement "candy" treat.

Fiber boost - I think this did its job--it helped me stay full between my breakfast shake and lunchtime. No flavor here, so it's an invisible extra in the blender.

All in all, I recommend the Fit Kit if you're looking to do some detective work around your diet. I was majorly uncomfortable after eating any gluten once I finished the 30 days, so I've learned that I'm sensitive to gluten. This has been really helpful information for me when shopping and planning. I still enjoy bread, beer, pasta, and pastries... just not all at once or all the time. I'm selective about what gluten to include in my diet now. It has to be quality if I'm going to eat it. (I'm not sitting around eating plain white bread!)

I learned a lot about what I *can* eat too. I've not gone the route of finding all my gluten-ridden favorites in a gluten-free form. I admit I'm concerned that I could end up swapping one unhealthy thing for another if I'm taking sugary or fattening versions of GF food. I really stuck to a meat, fruit, vegetables, and brown rice diet pretty well. (Again, doing this in the summer made the difference for my palate and patience since veggies and fruits were plentiful.) I can't say that I tried any new recipes or food preparations. It felt too complicated to try to overhaul my diet and my way of cooking in just one month. One thing at a time... :)

So before and after is a big deal with this Fit Kit, but mostly for folks who were trying to lose weight. Since I didn't get to workout for about two weeks in June, I know I didn't do anything truly spectacular for my physical shape. (I kept my same weight, within a few tenths of a pound, and my measurements didn't change either.) Lots of people kick up their fitness routine to get the maximum benefits from this kit, but I actually toned my routine down (by force, not choice) and ended up noticing how the nutritional changes affected my appetite. I wasn't hungry. I felt fuller longer and my GI--both G and I!--felt better and I'm okay attributing that to not eating handfuls of gluten every day. Dairy (fortunately) is not a problem for me, so I've integrated that back into my diet slowly (so as not to shock the system).

Good tidings of great gluten free Fit Kit

I'm interested in finding more information about digestive enzymes to help me process gluten better. I'm also interested in just keeping a low profile on the gluten-filled foods I like. I know I can live without them and I know how they will affect my insides. I pray I never get to the point that I have Celiac's disease or some other affliction that forces me to act on my diet again. I also have a new respect for my friends and acquaintances who eat gluten free regularly, either by choice or force, because I now know the pervasive grip that gluten has in our society's generalized diet. It's tough to be 100% gluten free because that little protein gluten is in so many things that we don't even realize it sometimes.

Would I recommend the Fit Kit? Sure. For people who are looking for a way to jumpstart their foray into dairy- or gluten-free life, this is a good way to get used to new things in your diet. It's simple too because there is no restrictive calorie counting or other numeric calculations (outside of your weight and measurements, if you choose to track them). Having the Facebook group to go to with questions and successes was a nice addition. (The Facebook group helped me solve the gritty smoothie problem in a matter of minutes, when I could have spent hours trying different combinations.) If you're looking to investigate your GI health in a safe way (no crash dieting), I think this is a good program with lots of information and support. The Arbonne consultants stick with you and have answers to questions, which makes the system really work. (Kudos to Becki from Fighting for Wellness!)

The Soul-Crushing Job Application Experience

I've been unemployed for three months now. I've come to terms with it. While it's neither fun nor easy, I'm making it through each day... one day at a time. If too many days come at me all at once, I tell them to get in line. That usually does the trick. Usually.

Applying for jobs and waiting for responses is really tough work. When you apply, you have to make your application the best you can and you have to write the cover letter as though this job is your one true love. But you have to do that for ALL the jobs you apply for...

The first job you apply for in a day is okay, but with each subsequent application it's like you're cheating on that first job, then the other, then all the others... until at the end of the day you have told every single job that you love it and every potential employer that you only want that job. None of it is true. It can't be.

"I'll bet you say that to all the nice looking jobs out there," the hot-shot job advertisement said to me.

My smile quickly faded into a trembling frown. My face went red. I knew all along that I had lied to myself, but his flirtation showed me the startling possibility that I had lied to everyone else. I pushed the keyboard away from me and sought solace in my Twitter feed. No more job applications today.

Enough. This soul-crushing work of job applications is really for the birds. I'm taking a different approach with the adage of "It's not what you know but who you know" to a different level. I've assessed my personal network, my talents and the "what" I know, and set out with a guide to help connect me with the "who."

I began seeing a career counselor (my guide, as referenced above) to help me make the lemonade from the lemons ruthlessly hurled at me. So far so good. Personality tests and identity development aside, the discussions we've had about my skills and the things I enjoy doing actually have me excited about what kind of work I might be able to do. The guy I'm seeing takes a different approach to placement, which I like very much. I'm still applying for jobs (feeling like a sellout, as described above), but I'm putting more effort into the exercises he gives me so I can develop more of that side of myself. I want to make genuine connections with people, to help people, to feel like I'm making a difference in the work I'm doing. I have hope that I will find more fulfilling work. I do. It's tough to keep that hope in my mind's eye sometimes, but I just try to remember that I'm getting to know myself better than most people and I'm solving problems most people don't even know they have. That feels good because I want to know that this work, this hiccup off the so-called "beaten path" is worthwhile.

I still have a list of concerns. I still get tingles of panic about bills and car repairs and things I need and so forth, but I absorb that, acknowledge it, and plan my response. I feel much better about life when I do that because I'm not stuck in React Mode where all I'm doing is reacting, reacting, reacting to things around me. (It's one way to do things, but it's exhausting and leaves little room for much else.) Taking time to plan my reactions and consider repercussions feels more validating. It also makes me feel way more competent as a human being even when tough stuff is bringing me down. I'm getting better at processing the uncertainty thrown in my path months ago.

So I'm dreaming a little, trying to find a job that I'll be good at *and* enjoy. A novel idea, eh? I thought so too until I realized that some people do have it both ways.

Feeling like a champ again: Race for the Cure 5k

At the starting line with Ryanne.

Running a 5k the week after you run a half marathon is, in my opinion, a great idea. You feel like The Champion of All Things Running because you just conquered that 3.1 in the time it took you to get warmed up last week.

Yesterday morning was really cool (like 39º) but beautifully sunny and otherwise springlike, complete with pollen and allergens! The Race for the Cure in Pittsburgh is evidently the largest in the state. (That's what the announcer fella said anyway.) There was a great crowd. Not everyone in the 5k was running competitively. I was because I wanted to be timed. My friend from college, Ryanne, wasn't, but she was an excellent running companion.

Cheesin'!

Ryanne is an amazing biker chick--as in she's doing the Race Across America (RAAM) next year with a team of ladies raising money for pulmonary hypertension. Her cousin was doing the Race for the Cure and they wanted more people on their team, so I signed up. Yay for teammates! She met me at the starting line and we took off together.

Little did I know that she was snapping pictures of me while I was running!

The course was hilly. I should have known. It's through a park I've run through only a handful of times with my friend Jenny, but it's in a neighborhood called "Squirrel Hill," so you know how the hills of Pennsylvania kinda creep up on you... That's how this race was. Oh well.

Finish line shot! Woohoo!

I felt really good, considering that I was still tight from last week. I slowed down a few times to climb the hills, which is typical for me. My training plan for my next half (in October) includes much more hill work. I kept moving and when we approached the finish line, I took off like a rocket when I saw I could get in under 33:10. I finished at 33:07.

I feel okay today, which is nice. I expected to be a little more sore, but I was definitely exhausted last night! I have 5ks planned throughout the rest of the summer. My goal? Finish
a 5k under 30 minutes this summer. I know I can do it. I know it. I've come close. I just need to push a little harder.

Refusing to Stay Blue

I was warned. I prepared. I acknowledged my feelings, and still they persist.

My post-race blues are hitting me a little harder than I anticipated. It's difficult to tell what's post-race related and what's the-rest-of-my-life related though because I'm still not working full-time, I'm still not doing fulfilling work, and I'm still kinda lonely most days of the week. Nevertheless, I'm trying to see these blues for what they are: temporary.

Monday when I was still sore and I felt a little like I had the flu, I rested in a fog and let myself be sad that my big race was over. Tuesday, though, I had to go to my part-time job, so there was no way to abide in relentless sadness throughout the day.

Just what was so sad anyway? I met my goal! I finished a half marathon! I had trained so hard for several months. I had overcome personal and physical hurdles to be there and do well. Yes--yes, I was proud. I was glad I finished, that I ran well, and that I knew I could meet my goal. Nothing was particularly sad about the event. It's the LACK of the goal, created by the goal's completion, that creates an emptiness... and feels sad.

Several sources about post-race blues recommend a psychological reset button of sorts--getting back in touch with friends, allowing yourself a few indulgences, and setting a new goal. I'm beginning to do just that.

• I've been stretching all week to soothe my soreness. I'll go running today. I'm doing a 5k on Sunday--our local Race for the Cure, which is sure to be a positive event. 
• I got to catch up with a good friend (a non-runner) yesterday and that was delightful.
• I drank a Pepsi on Tuesday. (It was mega sweet, but it tasted good.)
• I'm planning to start my Arbonne detox in the next week or two to get my nutrition back on track.
• I repotted several plants on Wednesday and I'm planning to get my garden in the ground next week.
• I'm revamping my training plan for the half marathon I'm running in October (Staten Island). My dearest friend from college is running with me so we're training together but from afar.

Just typing out that list makes me feel a little more hopeful. I think if I can get back to my typical to-do list ways that my day-to-day accomplishments will be more fulfilling.

Anyone else ever deal with post-race blues? How did you deal with them? 

My First Half Marathon

It's unbelievable! It's over! I ran a half marathon. (And I can still walk.)

After working so hard for so long for this one goal, I'm a little down now. I've been told that post-race blues are pretty normal. I have another half marathon in October, and I have several other shorter races in the months leading up to that, so hopefully the sadness won't last for long.

At the Dog Walk on Saturday before the race.

I'm proud to live in a city that puts on such a great event for runners. Even with the amped up security measures, things were fluid and felt very under control. Everything from the expo to the dog walk, the race itself and the VIP post-race fun was delightful.

I'm glad that I stayed with a friend who lived closer to the city. Not only was it more convenient, it was more fun because we were in all our pre-race prep together. She was a gracious host and made lots of food for us to eat. I also had a comfortable place to sleep and kept my dog with me so I didn't have to spend money (money I don't have) to board her somewhere. I really enjoyed it and I'm lucky to have such a good friend.

The start of the race made me pretty anxious. I'd never been part of an event this large. There were roughly 30,000 people racing! It helped that I knew the course really well and had expectations of when and where I would slow down. I still had the jitters though!

We got started and after about a mile I separated from my friend. Her pace was a little too quick for me (even though we'd trained together just fine). I was feeling a little nauseous and I couldn't figure out why! I thought that if I threw up and got it over with that maybe I would feel better and I could go on... Well, I never did throw up. The stomach feeling just waned slowly over the course of five or six miles. I just tried to distract myself from the discomfort by looking at the crowds cheering and enjoying the pretty day. (The weather was beyond perfect! 49º and sunny to start and it warmed up to 64º by the time I finished!)

Me and my hostess with the mostess at the starting line.

Unfortunately by the time my stomach pain was gone, my left achilles tendon was stirring. Now here's the part that I hate--this had only started to bother me in really recent runs. Never before had I experienced this pain. When I first had it, it was after running. Eventually it started creeping in to longer runs, making its presence known. Not enough to make me stop, but hurting enough that stairs are tough to do once I'm done.

This bridge is clearly uphill.

So I'm about half way through the race and my achilles is barking at me. Seriously? I was a little ticked, to be honest. No amount of stretching along the course would've helped, so I just trudged along. I made compromises with myself: "You have to run from 4th Street to 5th Street. If you hurt, you can walk until 6th Street, but if you feel okay then you need to run to 6th Street." That mindful element was very helpful in getting me through the Southside (where I used to work), the longest straight stretch in the race. When I made it to the Birmingham Bridge, which is one big incline, I just walked. No bridge was worth the pain. I wanted to finish the race RUNNING, not limping.

And I did. The last few miles were a little easier because I really did know that part of the course from running The Great Race 10k back in September. The incline near Duquesne University is so slight that it feels like it's parceling off chunks of your knee to be sold to the runners behind you. If you get past it, though, you've really only got a tiny incline at the finish to worry about.

Oh, Pittsburgh... You and your inclines.

My official time is 2:58:22. I originally anticipated that I'd finish closer to 2:30:00, but too much walking to baby that achilles pushed me back. Oh well. It's my first half so my time is a PR by default and it's definitely something to beat!

Countdown to My First Half Marathon

T-minus six days till my first half marathon...

• I'm studying the course map, aid stations, and restroom locations. 
• I'm preparing food for the week to ensure I eat right and don't do myself in by not eating well.
• I'm making plans for how to spend the time leading up to and after the marathon. 
• I'm tapering my running routine by running fewer miles and running with a gentler intensity.

• I've made tentative plans to meet up with Cherie from CherieRunsThis.com, who is a Pittsburgh native. (You may have seen her in Fitness Magazine, Women's Running Magazine, or on CNN.)
• I've surpassed my fundraising goal for my charity, Animal Rescue League!
• I've memorized the logistics for my car, my dog, and the morning of the race. 
• I've studied the weather forecast--it should be quite friendly for a wonderful morning run.

• I know where and when to get my packet.
• I know exactly what I'm wearing, even if the weather varies a little.

I am SO excited!

Earth, Wind, and Furnace: Roaring Run Earth Day 15k

Note the people running uphill. They are far
above where I am standing... Far, far above.

Saturday's 15k at Roaring Run in Apollo, PA started off great. The initial section of trail--where the 5k runners would be racing after us--was relatively flat and friendly.

The bad part about the race was the wind. Oh, the wind. It was fierce, cold, and, by all accounts, made you feel like you were running with an open parachute behind you. (Important note: no one actually had any parachutes on the course.) The cool morning wouldn't have been so bad if the wind had let up. But, no, it didn't. Pennsylvania has endured a long winter and a strange springtime. On Thursday, April 18th it was 83º. Saturday April 20th? It was 38º. Mother Nature decided to invite herself to this Earth Day celebration, I suppose.

The course remained flat until about 4 miles in. Then we ran down into what's called The Furnace. I haven't got a clue why it's called that, but the hills--involving switchbacks!--that greet you are enough to make your legs burst into flames, so perhaps that's the cause for the name.

I stopped to take a few photos because I was incredulous at how steep the hills truly were. See the photo with my notations at the right. You can see the switchbacks as well as the vertical distance.

More hills, of the less ridiculous variety, but
still a steady grade... up, up, up!

These were the steepest hills I've seen in a race. (Even steeper than this one.)

Nevertheless, when I reached the top of the hill, I smiled and accepted a cup of very strong Gatorade from a boy scout and ran on.

I had trouble catching my breath because it seemed that the wind was worse on the return. I felt like air was being plumbed down my throat. I stopped to take my asthma inhaler, which I hadn't needed in weeks during a run. I didn't bring my facemask with me, unfortunately, so I had to improvise. I took one of my gloves and held it over my mouth and nose so that I could breathe in warmed air at my own pace--not the pace of the brutal wind.

After getting along to the seven mile mark, I noticed that the course was incorrectly measured. I know my iPod nano isn't completely accurate either, but I calibrate it regularly so I get the most accurate record of my runs... And when I reached the seven mile mark, my iPod told me I had just a little more than a mile to go in order to reach my 15k.

Finished! (Dad caught me with my eyes shut.)

I kept a faster pace than for any other long run near or over double digits. I was delighted to know that, as part of my 15k, I beat my 10k time (old time 1:08:57; new time 57:15).

And, since the course was longer than 15k or 9.3 miles, I beat my 10 mile time too (old time 2:08:29; new time 1:55:27).

So as I neared the finish line, a few things about my race preparation became evident:

• I probably didn't eat well enough the day before
• I drank too much during the race (to get rid of phlegm, but I have to stop doing that)
• My lower abdomen and hip flexor muscles need to be strengthened to sustain the faster pace I kept for this race

I know my legs are still recovering from wearing shoes that were just not for me... That's been tough too. My left achilles is beginning to worry me a bit because it hurt all day Sunday and hurts this morning too... I've never had a problem with that, so I am just hoping that I can be well enough to get through my first half marathon in two weeks. Then I'll figure out what the heck is happening. :-/ Till then, it's RICE for me.

Out With the Old and... In With a Newer Version of the Old

I got new running shoes about a month ago and, after the hassle of getting them ordered, I was thrilled to have them and wear them. It was good to feel a fresh new cushion of a new pair of kicks. They were pretty and with my SuperFeet inserts they felt great.

Me in my Brooks after fording the muddy
stream to reach Penasco Blanco at Chaco
Canyon, New Mexico. No one died of
dysentery or lost any shoes. 

I switched back and forth with my old and new shoes while I wore the new ones in, mostly because the new ones were ever so slightly more neutral than my old ones. The people at my gym were probably pretty happy when I stopped wearing my old ones since I had worn them in New Mexico tromping around in the mud at Chaco Canyon with my bff in early February. I was still spreading bits of ancient desert with every step.

Once I was running every run in my new shoes, though, I started having pain. Every run brought pain. At first I chalked it up to not being diligent enough with my training. Then once I was back on track with training (after losing my job), that excuse didn't make sense. I ran races in pain. I ran training miles in pain. 

Until this point, my running life had been minimally painful (thank all things good!). I had a (fortunately) short-lived case of runner's knee in November and got stronger thanks to the physical therapy exercises my doctor told me to do. My original shoes saw me through every run of my newbieness until I started getting shin splints consistently around 350 miles. Even the fact that I broke my left foot twice in college hadn't stopped me. (The second time I broke it I got fired for it!) Sure, it hurts when the seasons change, but as long as it's not black and blue and as long as I don't feel "that" pain, I'm okay. (I know what it feels like all too well, sadly.)

Finally this week I was forced to do something about my pain. Track Tuesday with my running group went well. I felt great and did my speed pyramid without much trouble. That night my shins hurt and the fleshy part of my foot that should be an arch, but isn't, hurt. Both feet were mirrored images of pain. I iced my feet and went to bed. 

The next day I felt okay... sort of. I ran on the treadmill because we had some stellar thunderstorms brewing. I got to a mile and felt okay, but after that my legs hurt so badly that I had to stop. I got off and stretched and nothing felt better. I tried to walk on the treadmill and even that hurt. A lot. So I went home and hobbled around to make dinner, all the while wondering what the heck I'd done to myself. 

My concern grew because I now have about three weeks until my first half marathon (May 5th!). I also knew that being sidelined after just 1.5 miles is NOT okay. Something was really wrong.

I did a little investigation online about overpronation, the shin pain I was feeling, and causes. I emailed the coaches for my running group with my hypothesis. They confirmed it. "Go back to your original brand and style," they said. 

I took my new shoes back to the store and, thankfully, they were willing to exchange them. I'm very pleased that they were so kind about it (even though I felt like I was being a total pain). I'm confident that the new shoes--a newer version of my old ones--should help me feel normal again. 

I'm ready to get back to running without pain. I mean, I've worked SO hard to get to the point that I can run and breathe well... it's time to be able to enjoy that! :)

Spring sprouts!

SPROUTS!

I started some seeds for my spring garden crops last weekend and--lo! and behold!--midweek I had some sprouts!

Plastic greenhouse with grow light
and water spray bottle near my
heating vent. This is gardening, folks.

My setup isn't ideal, but I'm doing my best. I used the little plastic greenhouse tray I kept from last year's "Secret Garden" mishap and decided to leave the lid on only until I got my first sprouts. Last year I ended up with mold and sick seedlings to boot... No one really mentions that on the greenhouse packaging. They just say to keep the seedlings warm and moist... but that *duh* equals mold. No more mold for my seedlings! I have the tray on top of a towel on the ground near a heating vent in my house. (My house is old and doesn't warm up really well... so I wanted to keep the plants warm.) I bought a fluorescent "grow light" to give my plants some faux sun since Pittsburgh is anything but sunny right now... not that I have decently sunny windows anyway. Three-quarters of my house is surrounded with porches, which keeps the house cool all year (whether I want it to be cool or not).

I learned a LOT from my garden last year, and I'm taking a new approach to gardening thanks to the stellar class I took through Grow Pittsburgh. (Best $60 I ever spent!) I grew several flowers and vegetables from seeds last year, but I'm going to try to grow all my crops from seeds this year--vegetables, herbs, and flowers.

So far I've started the following seeds:

• lettuce (sprouted)
• broccoli (sprouted)
• lavender (some sprouted)
• Shasta daisies
• lemon balm

I need to get my spinach seeds SOON so I have those seedlings ready to plant when the rest of these seedlings are ready at the end of April/beginning of May. The rest of my spring crops I plan to plant by direct seeding (seeds in the ground, not started indoors for transplanting). But, naturally, I will need to wait for the weather to cooperate for most of those to even have a chance at survival.

This year's garden is off to a great start!

Look at those happy little sprouts. :)

Where I've been, what I'm doing

Oh my goodness, dear readers, I have not forsaken thee. I apologize, blog, that you have gone a full week without an update. For shame!

Working several part-time and freelance gigs is exhausting. Ensuring I have some income, the bills are paid, the dog is cared for, and all the other nuances of life seem more complicated when I'm not going to ONE workplace for a set period of time... and getting a paycheck directly deposited into my account. Invoicing is another element that freelancers don't get paid for that, alas, must be done!

What has happened in the meantime?

I'm excited about the possibilities in store, even if none of them include a full-time job... yet. I'm working hard at accepting what I have, enjoying each day, figuring out what I really want, and pursuing only what I truly desire. That in itself takes more energy than I have on most days, but the allocation of my talent is my own responsibility and if I waste my time and energy doing things I don't like or wishing for things I don't work for, then I deserve what I get. I want to deserve what I get and earn it in the sense that I brush hands with others trying to earn it.

So here's the past week...

I've started kicking my own butt to get to my running group. Tuesday evenings at the track or designated hill (for the beloved hill repeats) are now a must. I have directed my boyfriend to demand that I go when I waver (because goodness knows that I always feel better after I go).

My eyes are closed, but I think I look pretty darn good for
having run seven miles then climbed 45 floors!

Last Saturday I also made it to the group run downtown. It's kind of an expensive long run for me if I don't have other plans in the city before/after it (it's 20 miles there, 20 back), but I went. I ran about seven miles.

After the run, I did the Fight for Air stair climb downtown. Holy moly, stair climbing is a horse of a different color when it comes to exercise... I definitely don't consider myself a stair athlete!

Last week I completed my first set of fifteen freelance articles for a new client. It was a little tough to complete them so quickly without being repetitive, but I did my very best and they were pleased. :)

In the past few days, I've made a few strategic purchases, both of which I will be reviewing in the next few months. Because I have been tutoring a Korean woman for almost a year now and she recently asked me to begin working with her very young daughter, I decided to get Rosetta Stone in Korean. I have some reservations about the program, considering that my background is in language teaching and I have some strong opinions on how people learn language (otherwise how could I teach?!); however, I decided that with the program's guarantee and my current available time that I had nothing to lose.

I also purchased a full month of the Arbonne Fit Kit detox from Becki at Fighting for Wellness. The kit includes protein shake mixes, chews, drink mixes, and a few other items, which accompany an altered diet in order to help the user determine what foods or food entities might be causing distress. I've had issues with food for quite a while now and I'm at a loss for what else to try. I feel uncomfortable no matter what I eat and I don't seem to have enough energy. I decided that I would try the Arbonne detox to try to narrow down some of my issues. Nonetheless, since my half marathon is coming up in just five weeks, I will wait until after the race to begin the detox. I don't want to change anything right now; it's too close to the race. Even if it's for the better, it could affect my running and I might not recuperate properly.

Finally, I started some seeds for my garden! I don't have all the seeds I want yet, so I don't have a full set. I do, however, have lettuce, lavender, lemon balm, shasta daisies, and broccoli planted in my spare room under a grow lamp. Hooray!

Spring Thaw Ten Miler--my longest race to date!

February in Pittsburgh is, well, either snowy and cold or gray and cold. There isn't much variation. An occasional blue sky breaks through and delights us, but that's pretty unusual.

Saturday the 23rd was 36º and gray as gray can be. It was even threatening to rain. (Yuck. I think cold rain is just about the worst weather in the world.) But we gathered for the Spring Thaw Ten, Fifteen, or Twenty Miler. Runners got to choose what distance they were up for; you didn't have to decide before the race started.

However, I knew that I would be running ten miles. It was on my half marathon training program. I also had never run ten miles before... Only seven to that point. So this would be a challenge. Was I up for it?

Earlier in the week I had a little issue with my shoes. My Brooks Adrenalines have about 400 miles on them and have only recently started giving me little shin splints. I ordered a pair of Saucony Guides over a month ago, but the store hadn't called me, so I went to the store to find out what the problem was. Turns out no one ordered them. The store owner felt so bad that she let me buy a pair of last year's model, the 5, so that when my 6s come in I can just swap them out. I was glad to have another pair of shoes, but I was also nervous to try them for such a long run... especially since I hadn't ever run that long before.

Thursday I ran five miles on the treadmill in these shoes. Not bad. I didn't hurt from them, so that's nice. I was still nervous about the race, so I put my SuperFeet insoles into the Guide 5s to help them have a more "worn in" feeling. That did the trick.

My first five miles in the race I ran without stopping. I slowed down for hills a little, but that's not unusual. I crossed the five mile line at exactly 1:00! Five miles an hour! I felt wonderful and was excited that I felt good enough to keep going.

I made it to seven and a half miles and I started feeling a little weird (dizzy/nauseous), so I slowed down and actually came to a complete stop at one of the aid stations. I joked with the ladies there that I felt it was very considerate of me to *not* pass out. They laughed in agreement. I had been taking the sports drink at every station and took gels when they were offered, so I'm not sure why I felt like that, but I'm glad I rested to get my wits about me.

Once I felt more like myself, I continued running. The ninth mile I mostly walked because I had a cramp in my left calf that wouldn't go away. It felt like someone stabbing me. I met another gal and started talking with her. She jogged with me to the finish line--how nice was that?! :)

I crossed the finish line at 2:08:29. I felt like my legs were gelatinous, and I definitely needed to eat something, but I was thrilled with my finish. I was so happy! I did it!

I went home and rested completely on the sofa for the rest of the afternoon. I started feeling stiff so I iced my legs. I got a little worried that I was hurt, but I decided that I would wait and see before I got worried. It's now three days later and I feel fine, so I'm delighted that I'm not hurt. I still have some minor soreness and aches, but it's nothing I haven't felt before.

I've got a PR to beat now! I also know that adding another three miles means I can meet my goal of a half marathon! It's in May, so I have more time to train and get stronger, but I'm really thrilled with how this race went since it felt like a real test of my strength and ability.

Character and Uncertainty

I'm less in shock today than I was on Friday, but I'm still reeling from losing my job. It's really difficult to process. One day you're getting up at 6 o'clock and slogging along through rush hour traffic and the next you're wide awake and 6 o'clock sobbing because you're not quite sure how things are going to work out.

Today I'm looking around at my suddenly unplanned life and trying to lay tracks where they were recently dug up. I'm trying to find strength to reclaim my own fortitude because I know it's there. I do. And those of you who've told me to take heart--thank you. When facing the shock of sudden and pervasive uncertainty, it is inherently difficult to take heart in messages that appear to completely invalidate the situation, its seriousness, repercussions, and pain... however unintended the invalidation might be... it's still invalidating and, therefore, more painful.

But I'm terrible at processing uncertainty. It's probably my greatest weakness. When it comes to planning ahead, thinking things through, and organizing, I'm your gal. I can really set things in motion and lay down a path for success. In fact, I'm convinced that is what made school so easy for me. The path was laid out--different grades with classes to take, tests to pass, papers to write. All I had to do was show up, try my best, and win the day. Frequently I did just that. It was so natural.

Now that I'm not in school (finishing grad school threw me for a loop, trust me!), things are less clearly defined. There are no definitive achievements (like diplomas or degrees or year-end grades) unless you set them for yourself. There are no organized portions of the year (like semesters and breaks) unless you organize them for yourself. There are no measured or predetermined activities unless you choose them for yourself.

This is probably why running makes so much sense to me. There are achievements, seasons, and activities and I just have to choose to take part in them and *voilà!* predictability!

But the uncertainty of life on a larger scale--the grand scheme, the big "What If," which not even running can pretend to answer--is what makes me crazy.

I like plans.

I like plans so much that yesterday I made a list of projects that I can do around the house while I'm unemployed. I like plans so much that I bookmarked a bunch of job search websites and have blocked off a few hours each morning to go a-hunting. I like plans so much that I am trying to organize and reorganize my life in order to give me solace during this time of chaos.

Today the chaos really resonates with me. It was ten years ago today that my family's house burned down. I was a senior in high school, there was a two-hour delay because of a sparkling blanket of snow covering the school district, and I met up with a photographer to have my senior portraits taken. Those portraits are the last moments of "normal" or "calm" that I remember. After that, I smell smoke, I see soot and burned memories, and I feel hurt so deep it rocked my core.

That was ten years ago. Since then, my family has overcome many more tough times. Maybe none matching the magnitude of losing your home to fire, but certainly tough times attributable to personalized suffering through myriad pain. Most families have, but I tend to think that my family is tougher than most. I don't care if that's a little egotistical. We're hardy.

So I know I'll come out on top. I know I'll find some other job. I know I'll take uncertainty, whip it into my own personal mold, and eat it for breakfast one day. I know I can do it. I just might need you, my friends, to remind me once in awhile.

A really, really good run

Oh how I needed a good run. After a few weeks off from those dratted stitches then a few bad runs full of huffing and puffing and walking and worrying, I truly needed a run to remind me why I do this.

It came to me last night.

I came home from work and had almost gotten to that point of settling in and not wanting to go to the gym... It's cold outside. I need to buy gas. I don't want to leave the dog again. I'm tired. I haven't had a good run in weeks. Why am I bothering with this when I can't hit my miles and I can't make it to my training group?

Then I remembered that I had a few things in my RunnerBox that I had been meaning to try. I got myself a packet of a drink mix (which I will later review!). I made the shake and drank it mindfully. Then I got my butt in gear. I changed into gym clothes, took out the dog, and I was off.

I'm a treadmiller. It's how I cut my teeth in running. I have the uncanny ability to stare at the awning of the grocery store across the street and listen to my music and get into a zone where I don't even recognize my own name... (It's happened. My boyfriend has come to ask me something and I'm just completely zoned out.)

It wasn't easy--no, don't mistake this as a simple feat. This GOOD RUN was hard earned. I had to continually fend off anxious thoughts about my asthma, my slower-than-snails pace, my heart rate, my feelings about my out-of-shapeness (in comparison to others), and my lack of enthusiasm thanks to all of the above.

I let the thought enter my mind, acknowledged it, and then let it go.

That is SO effing hard. Especially if, like me, you're used to dwelling on things like those I listed above and letting them drive you into WorryWorld, population: 1; being your own worst enemy is awful. KNOWING that you're your own worst enemy is worse. Knowing that you're your own worst enemy and letting yourself continue to beat the pulp out of yourself--that is the worst. That. Is. The. Worst.

So I started running. I had to keep dropping those worry thoughts like they were razor-sharp, lava covered, disease ridden hot potatoes. (Trust me, you wanna drop those.)

I fell into my playlist and forgot about my pace (which I've been fretting). I got the three miles I was after and felt great when I was done.

Sense of accomplishment? You bet. And thank God, because I remembered that I started running because I was a worrier... and worrying about running? Yeah, that needs to stop.

Returning to Normal: Travel, Altitude, and Attitude

Oh my goodness, how a little travel can throw things into a frenzy! I was on business travel last week and took the weekend to stay with a friend and run a race with an Oiselle pal.

The race went as well as I could expect... It was my first time racing at altitude--about 5,400 feet.

So let's get this straight: if the NFL makes a big deal about Denver's Mile High Stadium (with a mile being 5,280 feet), then I have rights to make a big deal about running at just over a mile high.

Finishing a 5k in 36:14 isn't fantastic. I know that. But my lungs didn't burst, I didn't pass out, I didn't let myself get overwhelmed enough to require medical attention, and--most importantly!--I finished the race!

Ayesha, who had just set a PR, met me with about a quarter mile left to go and ran with me. I was really touched by that. We had just met. Sure, we're part of this awesome team, but still... we just met. She came back for me and helped encourage me until I sprinted for the finish line. I felt a great sense of accomplishment crossing the finish line because I overcame the pain my asthma caused me.

Since running that race, I've taken some time to learn a little more about why it was so difficult for me to run that day.

1. Acclimatization - I arrived on Friday afternoon, but ran on Sunday. That's not enough time for my lungs to acclimatize to the environment. Even if it was, a practice run would have given me a great deal of information about what I could expect to experience in the race.
2. Allergies - Almost IMMEDIATELY after the race, I was a sneezing, sniffling mess. I had to get allergy medication to address my symptoms. I am normally not a very allergic person, but running and breathing in all that dry desert air brought me allergens my body wasn't familiar with, and I learned that in addition to having an asthma attack, I may have also been reacting to the allergens. Well, isn't that nice?
3. Dry and cool air - While 40 to 50 degree days in Albuquerque were certainly warmer than the 15 to 20 degree days I left behind in Pittsburgh, the air was still cool. Moreover, it was drier than I was used to, so even though I was completely comfortable in the temperature, the dryness may have affected me.
4. Quick ascent - I flew from Long Beach (sea level) to Albuquerque (4,900 - 6,700 feet above sea level; airport at just about one mile above sea level), which was a direct ascent. No stop along the way to acclimatize, nothing to ease my lungs into the environment of high and dry... Just *bam* walk off the plane and I'm on higher terrain than I've ever been before.

It's true that even if I had time to acclimatize, had a slower ascent, got used to the dry air (or maybe used my face mask since the air was cool AND dry), and took some allergy medication before running that I may still have been sucking air...

But knowing why I struggled to keep going at least helps me put the mental aspect of the race in perspective: this wasn't my worst 5k (my worst was in 37:27 after having the flu and coming back from an injury!), I finished (booya!), and I was 171/247 people total. Not bad. At least, that's the attitude I'm taking.

I'm really tired from my travels, but I'm hoping to hop back on my training schedule. It's been tough to make the training group meetings on Tuesday evenings... and I didn't get to do many of the Saturday long runs in January... so it's time to buckle down a little. My Brooks' Adrenalines are covered with Chaco Canyon, NM, so I think they're okay to get a little wet or dirty in the awful weather Pittsburgh is having... (Yes, I've been resistant to messing up my shoes... even though they're just shoes... but mostly because I need dry shoes to pack in a suitcase.) I need to create "normal," and then get back to it.

So here's to February and a full three months till my first half marathon...!

Chobani special delivery!

It's a snowy day here in Pittsburgh, so I worked from home. Good thing I did! I was here to receive one more prize from the Healthy Holidays Challenge... An entire case of Chobani Greek Yogurt!

I had completely forgotten that this was part of the winner's package, but what a delightful surprise on a Friday morning! Coincidentally, I had just written "yogurt" on my grocery list dry-erase board this morning... Now I've got a dozen cups of Chobani with my name on them!

I love the creamy, delicious goodness of Chobani. It's my yogurt of choice these days since it provides me with a source of protein in addition to calcium, and the flavors can't be beat! (My absolute favorite is pineapple!) I haven't tried the passion fruit or cinnamon apple flavored yogurt before, so this prize is, again, exposing me to new and wonderful things!

If you haven't tried Greek yogurt, I urge you to try Chobani. It's the best out there in terms of texture and flavor. The plain yogurt is great as a substitute in a number of different recipes. Personally, I love the fruity flavored varieties and, when I can get it, I eat it every day!

Needless to say, I'm stoked to have such an awesome prize delivered to my door. Thanks, Chobani! I'll enjoy every bite!