A different kind of thankfulness

I know I'm not the only one who is finding it difficult to feel thankful this year. I know. But I feel like getting this out in the open might help me to find my own grit to be thankful.

I've been unemployed/underemployed for nine months now. February seems like a long time ago because 2014 is just around the bend. Fighting to get a job is feeling more hopeless all the time and the four part-time jobs I have aren't enough to pay my bills... I'm broke.

But I'm not broken.

I may not have money for all my bills, but I have enough for some of them. So I pay them.

I may not have money for Christmas gifts, but I can still pay my internet bill and phone bill so I can email and call my friends and family to let them know I'm missing them or sending them holiday joy.

I may not have the kinds of food I'd like to have around this time of year, but I do have some food. (I never thought I'd revert to bagged salad and ramen noodles like college, but I also never knew I would be this hard up for money.)

I may be struggling to believe in myself because I can't find a professional job to pay me a salary I can actually live on, but I still have the most marvelous man as my boyfriend who tells me that I'm worth it, helps me find hope, and lets me cry to him when I'm hurting.

I may not be able to make any future plans, based on time or money, but I know that I am fortunate each morning when I put both feet on the floor and take a big breath to lift myself from bed. I have learned to plan on just waking up and being alive.

I may feel hopeless (nearly all the time, these days), but I have a few really good friends who, despite whatever distance between us, have the power to lift me up.

I may not have health insurance, but I have found a way to get my prescriptions at a reasonable cost so I may remain well and, especially important, free of asthma attacks and healthy enough to run and keep running.

I may cry too easily right now. I do. But I have the cutest, sweetest dog who has a truly intelligent sense of empathy who has finally learned to cuddle to make mommy feel better.

I may not have friends close by all the time, but I work hard to be able to afford the luxury of keeping my dog, who is there for me day and night.

I may not see what is in front of me in my path for life, but I am working hard to trust in God and to remember that I can't always see his plan but that there is a plan... and I try to remember that I am an instrument of God when I can help other people.

I'm thankful that I am not broken. I'm not sure how much longer I can sustain myself in this state (this sad, sad state), but I am thankful that I find strength in everything I listed here. I find strength to push on and do what I can, whatever it is, to keep going minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.

I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving, dear readers.

Conquering Asthma: breathing through my nose

I'm excited to share that I'm making significant progress on my asthma problem.

How do I know? Did I go to the doctor? (No, I don't even have insurance right now, so that's out of the question.) How do I know I'm getting better?

I ran my entire 12 mile long run on Sunday while breathing through my nose. That's right--no open mouth breathing, no gasping, no out-of-breath feelings. I ran 12 miles straight and didn't lose my breath. Not even going up (several) hills.

This is HUGE! I've been trying to breathe through my nose more as I run to help filter the air I take in (something useful when pollen and allergens are nature's confetti), but this was the first real run I did with NO mouth breathing.

I'm delighted.

I still take my rescue inhaler with me (better safe than sorry), and I still take my asthma medications every day (though getting them at a reasonable cost soon may be difficult if I don't find a way to get health insurance). But I feel so FREE when I don't need to THINK about breathing. Free! Free, at last!

This is a milestone for me. My body is strong enough to run the distance and my lungs can now keep up. I feel incredible.

Killing the Hills

So yesterday's 5k was good by all standards--breathing, endurance, and completion--except speed. But I'm not upset about not getting a new PR. I realized about half way through the race that I wasn't going to hit my target. And do you know why that is?

I breathe really hard going up hills and I usually have to slow way down to catch my breath. Running small hills or flat surfaces allows me to really get my asthmatic breathing under control. I feel so good running now that it's hard to compare it to how I felt a year ago before I really got serious about controlling my asthma.

Hills. They are not my favorite. Unfortunately for me, I live in western Pennsylvania where hills are just what the doctor ordered.

Thursday afternoon I took a run around my neighborhood and challenged myself to run this one road that goes towards my house. It is basically a roller coaster.

Starting out flat, it progresses into a steep turn. It flattens out slightly for about a quarter mile, then there is an S-curve dip (where most cars cross the lines because they take it too fast).

What next? An uphill climb that provides, when you crest it, a beautiful view of your next two hill. Yes, there are more. Up and down until a final downhill coast around a bend. I've included these pictures of my hilly route (in the order they appear). They can't quite capture all the steepness and rolling hill feeling you get while running them.

At yesterday's race, Run Around the Square (Pittsburgh), I know I did better than I did the previous year, especially with the hills. The course is the same. It runs through one of Pittsburgh's parks, so it's part (brick) road course, part trail course.

When I realized I was going up one of the longer hills, I took note of how I felt doing it and recognized that I was doing really well.

I think some of that is due to my work on the *mental* aspect of climbing hills. I used to stare down the crest of the hill. Not anymore. I find little landmarks to stare down. Once I reach the landmark, I pick a new one.

Usually it goes like this:
"Okay, I'm feeling a little tired up this hill. Get to that crack in the pavement. Then you can stop."

Then I reach the crack in the pavement and still feel tired--but not any worse (this is my key). So then I choose someone's mailbox, a certain tree, a road sign, a crosswalk, a rock... whatever. I run to that and see how I feel.

When I get to the top of the hill, I feel like a real champ. Like a million dollars.

What's funny about my new hilly route is that the hills just keep coming! So it's a real mental workout on top of my physical workout.

My goal is to run this hilly road at minimum twice a month (every other week) to build my stamina.

When I include a few other roads from my house, this makes a nice four mile loop. Completely do-able and not ridiculous. I know these are a weakness of mine, so I'm really going to focus on it to come out on top.

Do you/did you struggle with hills? Any other tips on how to master these landforms?

Birds of many feathers

If you've been reading along for a while now, you'll know that I occasionally freak out about birds.

I love birds.

I live in an area where birds are plentiful--from water fowl to hummingbirds and everything in between.

In the past few days I've had a good number of run-ins with birds. They're all short stories, so I thought I'd weave them all together here.

First I have a nuthatch. He perched on my open window. I was literally just on the other side of the screen taking photos of him.

I love how nuthatches have perfect cone-shaped beaks. Also, I love fancy headgear on birds. The crown on this fella looks like it is preened into a mohawk!

We stayed there for awhile--me photographing him; him looking adorable--until he flew off my porch into the lush green beyond my window.

Another morning at home showed me just how bold the geese are becoming.

I've written before about the intrepid geese that make their home in my neighborhood--I jokingly call it the Goose Family Reunion. Each year there seem to be different times at which the group (a gaggle of geese!) decides to migrate a little closer to my house.

This photo is looking off my back porch into my yard. The geese are standing near my very well protected garden. (I have a cylindrical fence that encloses my garden. It goes up and down on a pulley system. Think Mouse Trap, that old board game.)

This poor goose I saw while I was running. My boyfriend warned me about some really sad roadkill: evidently the new construction near the highway made a mess of the wetlands called home by yet another group of geese in my town.

Bf told me a goose got hit. :(

I'm really grateful I didn't find the roadkill. (I would've sobbed the whole run home.)

Canada geese are monogamous. This poor goose just lost the love of his life...

So sad.

On the way to see my career counselor in Pittsburgh, I saw these wild turkeys. They're such big birds that they're hard to miss!

They didn't mind my approach to snap a photo, fortunately. There were more than the photo shows, but the bird next to the tree does a good job of showing its comparative size.

Pittsburgh might be a metropolitan area, but the neighborhoods surrounding it are fairly wooded, and I'm not even talking about the preserved wildlife in the parks we have. I've seen deer in Pittsburgh and, now, turkeys.

Finally, this poor guy was hanging out behind my landlord's business. I took a bag of trash to the dumpster and saw this gigantic bird. I think it's a hawk of some kind.

I was really nervous to continue my trek because I didn't know if the bird was hurt or what.

Later he moved into my neighbors' yard. They were talking about him and I volunteered the phone number for Animal Rescue League. They agreed that they thought it was strange for this guy to be hanging out near humans.

My neighbors' son took him to a vet in a kitty cage to get help. I hope he's okay.

Happy Friday!

Sorry for falling off the planet for a few days...

I've got some exciting news coming soon. Right now it requires me to dedicate much more time to my offline life, so I'll have to push back in this direction after a little bit.

Thanks for being patient!

In the meantime, here's a few photos of my awesome zinnias! They're taking over the backside of my house this year and WOW, are they pretty. :)

Adventures in Nutrition: Arbonne Fit Kit Detox (review)

June 1st through 30th I removed all gluten and dairy from my diet and followed the Arbonne Detox Fit Kit.

Now let's get this straight--this was not easy, especially when much of your diet is wheat- or dairy-based. I think I chose a good time of year to do this experiment. Fruits and vegetables abound, making my food prep fairly easy and straightforward.

Now the specific Arbonne products...

The whole Fit Kit: chocolate protein powder, vanilla protein
powder, two boxes of herbal detox tea, citrus fizz sticks,
pomegranate fizz sticks, lemon fit chews, caramel fit chews,
and daily fiber boost. 

Protein mix - I used coconut milk and a banana in every shake I made. Initially I struggled with grittiness, but once I began using bananas I found the thickened consistency to be pleasant. (I wasn't doing the detox to lose weight, so the banana fit my plan. Others who were trying to lose weight most likely didn't use bananas since they're considered extra sugar, etc.) I noticed that mixing frozen fruit changed the flavor more effectively than fresh fruit (with the exception of the banana). I was most pleased by the way my GI tract handled the protein. I've gone through several brands trying to find something that didn't bother the "I" part of GI, if you know what I mean. My only real complaint was that the zipper closures on the bags weren't that great, so I ended up using a clip on the bag to make sure everything stayed fresh. Both chocolate and vanilla flavors were satisfying, but I enjoyed mixing things up with the vanilla mix most. Coconut milk, pineapple, banana, and orange juice were amazing mixed with the vanilla shake.

Energy fizz sticks - Delicious. I was originally nervous about using these since they were supposed to be replacements for coffee and other caffeinated beverages because I don't do well with caffeine anymore. (Before my tumor I was fine... Now that I've only got one adrenal gland and no tumor making extra adrenaline, if I have a cup of coffee I usually end up feeling really loopy.) But I didn't feel jacked by the energy aspect of these drink mixes. The flavors were nice--citrus and pomegranate--and I was pleased that I could have even two of these in a day and not feel crazy. My only complaint is the little perforated area to tear open the packets was usually insufficient for opening it. I often had to use scissors to open it, which makes it slightly less convenient for on-the-go drink portability.

Herbal detox tea - This is amazing as sun tea. Herbal iced tea is one of my favorite things to drink in the summertime, but making sun tea with this particular tea was really enjoyable. I used five tea bags per quart and no added sweetener.

Fit chews - I had to keep these in the refrigerator after a bad experience with the wax paper not peeling off of the chew. The consistency is like salt water taffy. The lemon is my favorite flavor. Caramel was okay, but not as satisfying as the lemon was, as a replacement "candy" treat.

Fiber boost - I think this did its job--it helped me stay full between my breakfast shake and lunchtime. No flavor here, so it's an invisible extra in the blender.

All in all, I recommend the Fit Kit if you're looking to do some detective work around your diet. I was majorly uncomfortable after eating any gluten once I finished the 30 days, so I've learned that I'm sensitive to gluten. This has been really helpful information for me when shopping and planning. I still enjoy bread, beer, pasta, and pastries... just not all at once or all the time. I'm selective about what gluten to include in my diet now. It has to be quality if I'm going to eat it. (I'm not sitting around eating plain white bread!)

I learned a lot about what I *can* eat too. I've not gone the route of finding all my gluten-ridden favorites in a gluten-free form. I admit I'm concerned that I could end up swapping one unhealthy thing for another if I'm taking sugary or fattening versions of GF food. I really stuck to a meat, fruit, vegetables, and brown rice diet pretty well. (Again, doing this in the summer made the difference for my palate and patience since veggies and fruits were plentiful.) I can't say that I tried any new recipes or food preparations. It felt too complicated to try to overhaul my diet and my way of cooking in just one month. One thing at a time... :)

So before and after is a big deal with this Fit Kit, but mostly for folks who were trying to lose weight. Since I didn't get to workout for about two weeks in June, I know I didn't do anything truly spectacular for my physical shape. (I kept my same weight, within a few tenths of a pound, and my measurements didn't change either.) Lots of people kick up their fitness routine to get the maximum benefits from this kit, but I actually toned my routine down (by force, not choice) and ended up noticing how the nutritional changes affected my appetite. I wasn't hungry. I felt fuller longer and my GI--both G and I!--felt better and I'm okay attributing that to not eating handfuls of gluten every day. Dairy (fortunately) is not a problem for me, so I've integrated that back into my diet slowly (so as not to shock the system).

Good tidings of great gluten free Fit Kit

I'm interested in finding more information about digestive enzymes to help me process gluten better. I'm also interested in just keeping a low profile on the gluten-filled foods I like. I know I can live without them and I know how they will affect my insides. I pray I never get to the point that I have Celiac's disease or some other affliction that forces me to act on my diet again. I also have a new respect for my friends and acquaintances who eat gluten free regularly, either by choice or force, because I now know the pervasive grip that gluten has in our society's generalized diet. It's tough to be 100% gluten free because that little protein gluten is in so many things that we don't even realize it sometimes.

Would I recommend the Fit Kit? Sure. For people who are looking for a way to jumpstart their foray into dairy- or gluten-free life, this is a good way to get used to new things in your diet. It's simple too because there is no restrictive calorie counting or other numeric calculations (outside of your weight and measurements, if you choose to track them). Having the Facebook group to go to with questions and successes was a nice addition. (The Facebook group helped me solve the gritty smoothie problem in a matter of minutes, when I could have spent hours trying different combinations.) If you're looking to investigate your GI health in a safe way (no crash dieting), I think this is a good program with lots of information and support. The Arbonne consultants stick with you and have answers to questions, which makes the system really work. (Kudos to Becki from Fighting for Wellness!)

My Oomph is Waning

I'm staying busy. I'm still (yes, still) looking for a job, but I can feel my enthusiasm waning. Why is my "oomph" now more like "uh"?

Sometimes it's really hard to wake up and do the same damn thing you did yesterday--work part time and search for a job--ad infinitum. I have no specified termination point for this blip of unemployment (and its accouterment of melancholy uncertainty) and, therefore, it's frustratingly difficult, nigh impossible, to plan... ANYTHING.

Vacation? Ha, definitely not happening. Unless I have a willing, unbeknownst-to-me benefactor to pay for said vacation. (If you are said benefactor, feel free to get in touch with me about this vacation we need to plan.)

Moving? Better get a job first. Or get said job to pay for relocation. There is no room in the budget for a security deposit.

Buying anything valuable? Nope. If I can't pay for it with what I've got, I can't afford it. (This includes a better functioning cell phone and tires.)

There are a host of other things I can't plan or count on, mostly because I have to wake up, work part time, and search for a job every. single. day. Until I get a job, at which point Life can resume and I will once again feel whole and like a contributing person of The World.

So for days like today when I feel like sobbing for... all of the above, I try to put myself back together with this:

via BuzzFeed

Donate Your Gently Used Running Bras!

Dear Ladies,

We all know the statistics: most of us are wearing the wrong size bra, a bra that is too old, or a bra that doesn't support us like it should. The same rules apply for athletic or sports bras... Only it's worse because sizing and support mistakes can actually hurt us.

My friend Wendy at OneToughMotherRunner (hilariously) outlines her criteria for a running bra:

My absolute number one factor in a sports bra is NO BOUNCE! 

I have good reasons for this.

First, it’s uncomfortable. It just hurts – both during exercise and afterwards.

Second, people give you funny looks. The only reasons I want people to stare at me while I’m exercising is because they are 1) amazed at my perfect running form, 2) stunned by my speed (ha! unlikely!), or 3) they think I am so gorgeous they just can’t take their eyes off of me (also unlikely – especially when I’m running!).

Third, if you don’t wear a supportive sports bra during vigorous activity, you can potentially damage your chest ligaments. And finally, unrestrained movement can lead to sagging over time. 

Sagging?!?!?!?

Wendy's humor points out many issues with running bras, but imagine not having a running bra at all...

Many young women in the world don't have access to these specialty items of clothing like we do.

Enter Gabby Grebski with Girls Gotta Run Foundation: Gabby founded this organization to help

young women in impoverished Ethiopia overcome their poverty through running. One of the things these young ladies need most is running clothing and, especially, running bras.

Enter Oiselle: teamed up with Gabby and the Foundation, Oiselle is collecting *gently* used running bras in the month of June! And, just in case you needed more of a reason to give your current bras away, if you include a note with your email address when you mail your bras to Oiselle HQ, you will receive a coupon for 15% off a new Oiselle sports bra! Oiselle just launched their latest bras in March 2013 and they are all made in the USA!

What are you waiting for? It's time to part ways with your bras for a better cause. Send your gently used bras to Oiselle Running, 7109 Woodlawn Ave. NE, Seattle, WA, 98115. 

Trixie's Adoption Anniversary: Six Years

It was six years ago today that I adopted my pup Trixie.  It's been FAR from an easy journey with her for a number of reasons, but today she is the best dog I could ever want. She is so smart and loyal. I love her with all my heart.

Photos of Trixie from the day I adopted her to present. :)

5 months (5/17/07)

8 months

6 months

2 years

4 years

5 years

Earth, Wind, and Furnace: Roaring Run Earth Day 15k

Note the people running uphill. They are far
above where I am standing... Far, far above.

Saturday's 15k at Roaring Run in Apollo, PA started off great. The initial section of trail--where the 5k runners would be racing after us--was relatively flat and friendly.

The bad part about the race was the wind. Oh, the wind. It was fierce, cold, and, by all accounts, made you feel like you were running with an open parachute behind you. (Important note: no one actually had any parachutes on the course.) The cool morning wouldn't have been so bad if the wind had let up. But, no, it didn't. Pennsylvania has endured a long winter and a strange springtime. On Thursday, April 18th it was 83º. Saturday April 20th? It was 38º. Mother Nature decided to invite herself to this Earth Day celebration, I suppose.

The course remained flat until about 4 miles in. Then we ran down into what's called The Furnace. I haven't got a clue why it's called that, but the hills--involving switchbacks!--that greet you are enough to make your legs burst into flames, so perhaps that's the cause for the name.

I stopped to take a few photos because I was incredulous at how steep the hills truly were. See the photo with my notations at the right. You can see the switchbacks as well as the vertical distance.

More hills, of the less ridiculous variety, but
still a steady grade... up, up, up!

These were the steepest hills I've seen in a race. (Even steeper than this one.)

Nevertheless, when I reached the top of the hill, I smiled and accepted a cup of very strong Gatorade from a boy scout and ran on.

I had trouble catching my breath because it seemed that the wind was worse on the return. I felt like air was being plumbed down my throat. I stopped to take my asthma inhaler, which I hadn't needed in weeks during a run. I didn't bring my facemask with me, unfortunately, so I had to improvise. I took one of my gloves and held it over my mouth and nose so that I could breathe in warmed air at my own pace--not the pace of the brutal wind.

After getting along to the seven mile mark, I noticed that the course was incorrectly measured. I know my iPod nano isn't completely accurate either, but I calibrate it regularly so I get the most accurate record of my runs... And when I reached the seven mile mark, my iPod told me I had just a little more than a mile to go in order to reach my 15k.

Finished! (Dad caught me with my eyes shut.)

I kept a faster pace than for any other long run near or over double digits. I was delighted to know that, as part of my 15k, I beat my 10k time (old time 1:08:57; new time 57:15).

And, since the course was longer than 15k or 9.3 miles, I beat my 10 mile time too (old time 2:08:29; new time 1:55:27).

So as I neared the finish line, a few things about my race preparation became evident:

• I probably didn't eat well enough the day before
• I drank too much during the race (to get rid of phlegm, but I have to stop doing that)
• My lower abdomen and hip flexor muscles need to be strengthened to sustain the faster pace I kept for this race

I know my legs are still recovering from wearing shoes that were just not for me... That's been tough too. My left achilles is beginning to worry me a bit because it hurt all day Sunday and hurts this morning too... I've never had a problem with that, so I am just hoping that I can be well enough to get through my first half marathon in two weeks. Then I'll figure out what the heck is happening. :-/ Till then, it's RICE for me.

Out With the Old and... In With a Newer Version of the Old

I got new running shoes about a month ago and, after the hassle of getting them ordered, I was thrilled to have them and wear them. It was good to feel a fresh new cushion of a new pair of kicks. They were pretty and with my SuperFeet inserts they felt great.

Me in my Brooks after fording the muddy
stream to reach Penasco Blanco at Chaco
Canyon, New Mexico. No one died of
dysentery or lost any shoes. 

I switched back and forth with my old and new shoes while I wore the new ones in, mostly because the new ones were ever so slightly more neutral than my old ones. The people at my gym were probably pretty happy when I stopped wearing my old ones since I had worn them in New Mexico tromping around in the mud at Chaco Canyon with my bff in early February. I was still spreading bits of ancient desert with every step.

Once I was running every run in my new shoes, though, I started having pain. Every run brought pain. At first I chalked it up to not being diligent enough with my training. Then once I was back on track with training (after losing my job), that excuse didn't make sense. I ran races in pain. I ran training miles in pain. 

Until this point, my running life had been minimally painful (thank all things good!). I had a (fortunately) short-lived case of runner's knee in November and got stronger thanks to the physical therapy exercises my doctor told me to do. My original shoes saw me through every run of my newbieness until I started getting shin splints consistently around 350 miles. Even the fact that I broke my left foot twice in college hadn't stopped me. (The second time I broke it I got fired for it!) Sure, it hurts when the seasons change, but as long as it's not black and blue and as long as I don't feel "that" pain, I'm okay. (I know what it feels like all too well, sadly.)

Finally this week I was forced to do something about my pain. Track Tuesday with my running group went well. I felt great and did my speed pyramid without much trouble. That night my shins hurt and the fleshy part of my foot that should be an arch, but isn't, hurt. Both feet were mirrored images of pain. I iced my feet and went to bed. 

The next day I felt okay... sort of. I ran on the treadmill because we had some stellar thunderstorms brewing. I got to a mile and felt okay, but after that my legs hurt so badly that I had to stop. I got off and stretched and nothing felt better. I tried to walk on the treadmill and even that hurt. A lot. So I went home and hobbled around to make dinner, all the while wondering what the heck I'd done to myself. 

My concern grew because I now have about three weeks until my first half marathon (May 5th!). I also knew that being sidelined after just 1.5 miles is NOT okay. Something was really wrong.

I did a little investigation online about overpronation, the shin pain I was feeling, and causes. I emailed the coaches for my running group with my hypothesis. They confirmed it. "Go back to your original brand and style," they said. 

I took my new shoes back to the store and, thankfully, they were willing to exchange them. I'm very pleased that they were so kind about it (even though I felt like I was being a total pain). I'm confident that the new shoes--a newer version of my old ones--should help me feel normal again. 

I'm ready to get back to running without pain. I mean, I've worked SO hard to get to the point that I can run and breathe well... it's time to be able to enjoy that! :)

The "Keeping On"

Feeling things fall apart--the literal crumble in your hands as you try to hold together the thing you've worked so hard to create or sustain--pushes aside all other physical sensations, leaving only the effects of gravity to deal with as the bits of your prized work fall, settle...

And what to do then? Pick up the pieces? Some are too small to be seen. It's impossible to recreate what was.

But I'm not sure I want to recreate that anymore.

It's been tough going since first losing my job almost three weeks ago. Lots of job searching, crying, anxiety, budgeting... fear. Fear of The Unknown.

Now what's interesting is that all of us face The Unknown in measured amounts each day, like it or not. We can only plan so much of our days. The Unknown is always there, despite our best intentions and sometimes *in spite* of our best intentions.

So The Unknown has slammed into my semi-planned life like a steel wrecking ball and I'm dealing with the aftermath of this unplanned demolition. Initially it's very easy for people on the outside looking in to say "everything happens for a reason," "keep on keeping on," and "the only way to go now is up," and other tropes bearing similar messages of silver linings that are just beyond the vista of a person who has just been shaken at her core.

Silver linings aren't easily accessible when The Unknown is still a tempest brewing overhead.

Taking the time in these past few weeks to assess the damage, take action on what I can, and consider my next steps has forced me to reexamine my wants and needs.

I'm not trying to pick up the pieces. I don't need to. I'm taking an anthropological look at my own history to learn about myself and the way I was living my life. I'm looking at the pieces of my former life--my work, what I did, how I felt about it, and if there's something I could do better. This isn't the solution to my joblessness or whatever, but it's a method to (hopefully) help myself come out on the other side of this with a healthier and happier life... I'm seeing things about my pace, my schedule, my commute, my sleep, my eating, my exercising, and my personal time that could change for the better. And now is the opportunity to make those kinds of changes. I may not be able--and it may not be necessary--to make changes to every element I've identified as a candidate for change.

But this is the keeping on.

Safe Strides: Self Defense for Women Runners (by Pittsburgh Marathon)

Last night women packed into Bakery Square to hear self-defense expert Craig Douglas discuss a topic we all know about, but frequently want to ignore... because it's uncomfortable and makes us uneasy... and it's scary. Douglas talked about women being attacked while running.

Pittsburgh Marathon has held some really stellar sessions for participants over the past few weeks. I attended the injury prevention clinic in January and the nutrition clinic earlier this month. (I didn't get to blog it in a timely fashion because of life events that came up.) There is an excellent blog post over at InsideUPMC covering the main topics from the nutrition clinic.

The self-defense event launched into the tough stuff right away with a real victim and her very, very real story.

After learning her story, we couldn't help but feel.

Feel angry or sad that it happened.
Feel angry or sad that women have to worry about these things.
Feel angry or sad that every woman--mother, grandmother, sister, friend, aunt, cousin, daughter, granddaughter--could feel threatened or be attacked at some point in her life.

The good thing is that anger and sadness can motivate us. We can feel compelled to act, to do something. As long as we don't allow ourselves to feel helpless, we can learn from what has happened and, hopefully, learn how to protect ourselves.

That's what Douglas was there to help with. Awareness, he said, is a state of flux. When we're running, we're often paying attention to multiple things--our bodies, breathing, music, worries, temperature, people we might be talking to... But we need to be aware of what's going on around us.

Character and Uncertainty

I'm less in shock today than I was on Friday, but I'm still reeling from losing my job. It's really difficult to process. One day you're getting up at 6 o'clock and slogging along through rush hour traffic and the next you're wide awake and 6 o'clock sobbing because you're not quite sure how things are going to work out.

Today I'm looking around at my suddenly unplanned life and trying to lay tracks where they were recently dug up. I'm trying to find strength to reclaim my own fortitude because I know it's there. I do. And those of you who've told me to take heart--thank you. When facing the shock of sudden and pervasive uncertainty, it is inherently difficult to take heart in messages that appear to completely invalidate the situation, its seriousness, repercussions, and pain... however unintended the invalidation might be... it's still invalidating and, therefore, more painful.

But I'm terrible at processing uncertainty. It's probably my greatest weakness. When it comes to planning ahead, thinking things through, and organizing, I'm your gal. I can really set things in motion and lay down a path for success. In fact, I'm convinced that is what made school so easy for me. The path was laid out--different grades with classes to take, tests to pass, papers to write. All I had to do was show up, try my best, and win the day. Frequently I did just that. It was so natural.

Now that I'm not in school (finishing grad school threw me for a loop, trust me!), things are less clearly defined. There are no definitive achievements (like diplomas or degrees or year-end grades) unless you set them for yourself. There are no organized portions of the year (like semesters and breaks) unless you organize them for yourself. There are no measured or predetermined activities unless you choose them for yourself.

This is probably why running makes so much sense to me. There are achievements, seasons, and activities and I just have to choose to take part in them and *voilà!* predictability!

But the uncertainty of life on a larger scale--the grand scheme, the big "What If," which not even running can pretend to answer--is what makes me crazy.

I like plans.

I like plans so much that yesterday I made a list of projects that I can do around the house while I'm unemployed. I like plans so much that I bookmarked a bunch of job search websites and have blocked off a few hours each morning to go a-hunting. I like plans so much that I am trying to organize and reorganize my life in order to give me solace during this time of chaos.

Today the chaos really resonates with me. It was ten years ago today that my family's house burned down. I was a senior in high school, there was a two-hour delay because of a sparkling blanket of snow covering the school district, and I met up with a photographer to have my senior portraits taken. Those portraits are the last moments of "normal" or "calm" that I remember. After that, I smell smoke, I see soot and burned memories, and I feel hurt so deep it rocked my core.

That was ten years ago. Since then, my family has overcome many more tough times. Maybe none matching the magnitude of losing your home to fire, but certainly tough times attributable to personalized suffering through myriad pain. Most families have, but I tend to think that my family is tougher than most. I don't care if that's a little egotistical. We're hardy.

So I know I'll come out on top. I know I'll find some other job. I know I'll take uncertainty, whip it into my own personal mold, and eat it for breakfast one day. I know I can do it. I just might need you, my friends, to remind me once in awhile.

A really, really good run

Oh how I needed a good run. After a few weeks off from those dratted stitches then a few bad runs full of huffing and puffing and walking and worrying, I truly needed a run to remind me why I do this.

It came to me last night.

I came home from work and had almost gotten to that point of settling in and not wanting to go to the gym... It's cold outside. I need to buy gas. I don't want to leave the dog again. I'm tired. I haven't had a good run in weeks. Why am I bothering with this when I can't hit my miles and I can't make it to my training group?

Then I remembered that I had a few things in my RunnerBox that I had been meaning to try. I got myself a packet of a drink mix (which I will later review!). I made the shake and drank it mindfully. Then I got my butt in gear. I changed into gym clothes, took out the dog, and I was off.

I'm a treadmiller. It's how I cut my teeth in running. I have the uncanny ability to stare at the awning of the grocery store across the street and listen to my music and get into a zone where I don't even recognize my own name... (It's happened. My boyfriend has come to ask me something and I'm just completely zoned out.)

It wasn't easy--no, don't mistake this as a simple feat. This GOOD RUN was hard earned. I had to continually fend off anxious thoughts about my asthma, my slower-than-snails pace, my heart rate, my feelings about my out-of-shapeness (in comparison to others), and my lack of enthusiasm thanks to all of the above.

I let the thought enter my mind, acknowledged it, and then let it go.

That is SO effing hard. Especially if, like me, you're used to dwelling on things like those I listed above and letting them drive you into WorryWorld, population: 1; being your own worst enemy is awful. KNOWING that you're your own worst enemy is worse. Knowing that you're your own worst enemy and letting yourself continue to beat the pulp out of yourself--that is the worst. That. Is. The. Worst.

So I started running. I had to keep dropping those worry thoughts like they were razor-sharp, lava covered, disease ridden hot potatoes. (Trust me, you wanna drop those.)

I fell into my playlist and forgot about my pace (which I've been fretting). I got the three miles I was after and felt great when I was done.

Sense of accomplishment? You bet. And thank God, because I remembered that I started running because I was a worrier... and worrying about running? Yeah, that needs to stop.

Injury Prevention Clinic with UPMC Sports Medicine & Pittsburgh Marathon

I knew I'd learn something, but the hands-on experience at yesterday morning's clinic was what made an impression on me.

University of Pittsburgh Medical Center (UPMC) Sports Medicine and Pittsburgh Marathon hosted a clinic on injury prevention at UPMC Montefiore in Oakland, and we heard from runners, trainers, doctors, and physical therapists--some of whom fill more than one of those roles!

First up was Dr. Vonda Wright, an orthopedic surgeon and assistant professor of orthopedic surgery at UPMC, also known nationally as a speaker and author who regularly appears on the Dr. Oz television show. She was raised in what she called a "running family,"  so in addition to her vast professional experience, she brings the "I know what you mean" part of running pain to the table. She shared with us a number of videos detailing stretches ideal for runners, focusing on form.

I don't know about the rest of the people in attendance, but this miniature encyclopedia of stretches will surely set me straight with a number of my oooos and ouches. I really enjoyed hearing Vonda speak, and, for anyone interested, she has other online resources as well as classes, DVDs, etc.

Next we heard from Ron DeAngelo, known nationally for working with NFL and NBA players, who taught us a plethora of wonderful, deep, dynamic stretches. He had us up and moving around the room for these. My blood was pumping for sure! I wished there was a worksheet with a stick figure or something to remind me of the moves... But some of the stretches are in Vonda's videos.

Finally, we heard from Dr. Aaron Mares, an internal an sports medicine expert, who described a variety of common injuries he sees in his runner patients--everything bursitis to the stress fractures and tendonitis to the dreaded plantar fasciitis. He described what these feel like and where, some things that go wrong to lead to these and, naturally, some preventative measures to keep in mind.

All in all, this clinic was full of great information for runners at all stages. I consider myself a novice, but my friend Eleanor is definitely intermediate and she said she learned quite a few things too.

Thanks to UPMC and Pittsburgh Marathon for the invitation to this event. Well done! Can't wait to see what you have next!

Check out the Pittsburgh Marathon on Twitter: @PghMarathon
UPMC Sports Medicine: @UPMCSportsMed
Dr. Vonda Wright: @DrVondaWright

Adventures with RunnerBox (review)

Oh my goodness, Monday morning couldn't have started out any better. I was getting ready for work when I saw a tweet from Rebecca at Running With Music telling me that I won her RunnerBox giveaway!

I was ecstatic! RunnerBox is filled with full-sized product samples of hand-picked goodies like protein shakes, energy gels, and other on-the-run (literally or figuratively) snacks.

Late last week I entered the giveaway. Evidently I didn't read the entire prize listing very well because I'm not just getting ONE RunnerBox... I'm getting THREE: one every other month! So I'll have a surprise again in March and May. Woo! I can only imagine the cool things I'll get to try out in just three boxes!

So the excitement of winning on Monday was shortly followed by the arrival of my first box on Wednesday! (Talk about lightning fast!)

Staci at RunnerBox was so kind--she put a little note on top, congratulating me on winning the contest, along with the tiniest holiday bow I've ever seen. I loved that personal touch. I think it's clear that there are people behind these boxes (not machines).

I also loved the little quote inside the top of the box. As I lifted the lid, I first noticed the bright green tissue paper (my favorite color!), but the quote made me slow down a little:

Ability is what you are capable of doing.
Motivation determines what you do.
Attitude determines how well you do it. - Lou Holtz

That couldn't be more appropriate for me right now! I'm slogging through winter running like the rest of you, and I'm trying to reach new heights (also like most of the rest of you!). I think I might pin this quote up on my wall somewhere so I can see it each morning.

Then I pulled back the green paper and found the delightful, colorful surprises inside! Rebecca said she felt like she was digging into her Halloween pumpkin. This is EXACTLY what it feels like. :)

I was thrilled to find that some products I had recently been considering trying were in the box. Now I can try without a big commitment...



RunnerBox feels like an adventure to me. I don't know what I'm getting, but I can be sure that other people put a lot of thought into making sure it's worthwhile. I might have heard of these products, or maybe not. Either way, it's easier to try them in a small quantity before deciding on a 24 pack or a canister of protein powder, and, at the same time, plunking down a considerable chunk of change.

Rebecca did a great job wrapping up the joys of the RunnerBox with her review here. The contents of my box are exactly the same as hers, it seems (I'm thinking we should compare notes :).

I'm really looking forward to my relationship with RunnerBox. So far I am really impressed. The brand is clean-cut and professional, but the people and website are friendly and accessible. When I think about what I want as a runner, I realize that I am enjoying getting to know the landscape of people, races, gear, magazines, and nutritional items almost as much as I enjoy going for a run. This is a community. I think that RunnerBox fits into that community by making the myriad of products available to us as runners accessible in a user-friendly manner, with little hassle or heartache. I actually like that they pick things for me so I don't have to choose... Have you SEEN the food/nutrition stuffs shelves in REI or a similar store lately?! It's impossible to pick unless you KNOW what you want. And how will you know what you want? By trying it out.

Bottom line: RunnerBox helps you root through goods to find what you want by sampling a variety of things. (Or, you can help someone you love do that by sending RunnerBox as a gift.)

And I'm doing just that right now! Thanks, RunnerBox! (And thanks again, Rebecca, for the giveaway!)

Karissa's 2012 Race Recap

This was my first year as a runner. I started running in earnest in November 2011, hitting a trail near my home every day that I could. I loved it. When it got cold, though, my lungs didn’t love it and I was stuck indoors with no real way to keep going. After Christmas I decided to join the Anytime Fitness in my neighborhood. I know, I know: this is the New Year’s resolution of New Year’s resolutions… a gym membership. But my real resolution was to run a 5k. A few days into January I signed up for a race in April with a friend. The date was on the calendar and I now had a goal to work towards. 

I signed up to work with a personal trainer for a few sessions at a special introductory price and learned how to use the machines and free weights, and she also taught me some things about nutrition and what muscle groups to work in what order. I couldn’t afford to continue with personal training, but I took what I learned from those sessions and did my best to apply it as the months wore on.

I ran as much as possible. 

 

Appetite = Zero

This battle with food is hard fought, but I feel like I'm losing despite my best efforts.

It's probably the stress of the holidays combined with the difficulties I was already experiencing to make the perfect storm of absolutely zero appetite... But I have zero desire to eat. And when I do, I struggle to find anything that tastes good.

I've been trying to work with some of the solutions my friends gave me last month, but even these are becoming difficult. I had Thai food this past weekend and that was good. I've tired of all things in bar form. Smoothies are also losing their touch. I'm beginning to fear what I will have to do if this continues.

Last night I told my boyfriend about how I've felt and, naturally, he was worried. We had planned to eat dinner together anyway, but he said he'd help me go get groceries so I accepted. Going to the store right now is difficult because I end up leaving with either a) almost nothing or b) nothing but crap.

So he came with me. The cart was mostly empty. I had tried to get a few things like sherbet for smoothies, but he talked me out of it (read: stood in front of the freezer case and told me "no").

I know I need to eat. It is so hard. I hate choking things down.

We walked to the diet supplement aisle and I looked at whey protein. I bought "Designer Whey" in French vanilla. It was really the recipe for the orange dreamsicle smoothie on the back that took me in. I like that kind of flavored thing, so I thought I'd give it a try.

I made it this morning, but I had to choke it down too. I had toast for breakfast, but I know that's not really enough, especially if I'm going to try to ramp up my running...

I've felt ill since I finished the drink, though, too. Burping it. Feeling like it's in my throat. Sigh...

It's really upsetting to struggle with this. I'm trying to use reverse psychology to go against myself, but even that seems to be failing right now. Even some of the "crap" that I would normally gravitate towards isn't appetizing (Velveeta shells and cheese, microwave popcorn, freezer waffles).

I'm pushing onward, but this is really getting old.

Down with Holiday Food Guilt!

And so it persists, this problem with food. I've been eating better than I was when I initially wrote about my struggle--mostly thanks to suggestions of pure brilliance from friends--but I'm battling boundaries I didn't know existed here in my mental waywardness of edibles.

Having the stomach flu this week did nothing for my desire to eat nor my ability to consume food... Even though I feel 100% human today after a terrific night's sleep, I hesitated when I went to pack my lunch this morning. I had almost nothing to go on because I hadn't had time to get to the store... So I left my house a few minutes early to hit the local grocery before work. Now THAT was a stroke of genius. I bought Greek yogurt, burritos, fruit, and Odwalla juice because Lord knows I need more vitamin C.

But back to the initial pre-flu struggle. I've been concerned about how to handle the holidays since they're centered around food and tend to put eating habits on display for observation. At Thanksgiving I was able to make myself eat a plate of turkey and fixins without too much trouble. Christmas and New Years (and for those of you who celebrate other holidays like Hanukkah or Kwanza), though, brings lots of little celebrations to dot the calendar as people are able to gather together. I've been a bit nervous about any critical remarks I might earn with the evidence of my appetite or lack there-of.

Thanks to some good Twitter friends, I found Shape Magazine's 10 Responses to "Food Pushers". These are things to say when someone tells you to have some more, to take seconds, or something like that. Admittedly, Shape Magazine probably has in mind who its readers are, so the article is slanted towards people who are fit (or trying to be) and body conscious.

Note: most of the situations indicate that the person is skinny or could manage to gain a few pounds, or suggest that the person is eating unhealthily or has an eating disorder. But in our world obviously there is a blurred line between fitness and illness... This is not a perfect world, with none of us perfect.

The title of the piece is a little misleading because not all of the responses indicate that the other person wants you to take more food (i.e., food pusher). For example, there are responses to "Girls don't normally eat that much" statements (indicating you've eaten quite a bit, or at least more than this person expected) and "Should you really be eating that?" kinds of questions. These are definitely helpful to people outside of what I am assuming is the standard readership of the magazine. (Disclaimer: I'm human and make assumptions; forgive me if I'm incorrect.) Have a look at the situations and the responses. I think I feel better about going to dinner parties just having read that because I think I can intelligently respond to whatever quip someone lobs my way, whether about my appetite, my size, or my weight. (Which, quite honestly, I've been doing for years, but somewhat less gracefully. Mostly with silence.) At the very least, this article prompted me to think about the things I wouldn't want to say...

I can talk myself into changing my habits for just these few days, few hours, few minutes that I'm walking past cookie trays and passing the butter and complimenting the cook... But I'd be sick, uncomfortable, and unhappy, so it's not worth it. Besides, it's honest to goodness work that I'm doing in all the time OUTSIDE of the holidays that matters most. (Furthermore: here's more evidence that mindful eating is the eating that matters most when making memories of food.)

Enough with the guilt. I know what I'm doing for myself. I am going to do my best and I hope that you do your best. I am killing the guilt with knowledge about my habits and how to work on them. I know the cause of my problem and I am taking steps to help myself. I am taking down the guilt by staying strong when facing food pushers who urge me to eat more than I might be comfortable with right now.

How are you taking down the guilt? How are you staying strong? I'll lead the charge. Follow at will. :)