Appetite = Zero

This battle with food is hard fought, but I feel like I'm losing despite my best efforts.

It's probably the stress of the holidays combined with the difficulties I was already experiencing to make the perfect storm of absolutely zero appetite... But I have zero desire to eat. And when I do, I struggle to find anything that tastes good.

I've been trying to work with some of the solutions my friends gave me last month, but even these are becoming difficult. I had Thai food this past weekend and that was good. I've tired of all things in bar form. Smoothies are also losing their touch. I'm beginning to fear what I will have to do if this continues.

Last night I told my boyfriend about how I've felt and, naturally, he was worried. We had planned to eat dinner together anyway, but he said he'd help me go get groceries so I accepted. Going to the store right now is difficult because I end up leaving with either a) almost nothing or b) nothing but crap.

So he came with me. The cart was mostly empty. I had tried to get a few things like sherbet for smoothies, but he talked me out of it (read: stood in front of the freezer case and told me "no").

I know I need to eat. It is so hard. I hate choking things down.

We walked to the diet supplement aisle and I looked at whey protein. I bought "Designer Whey" in French vanilla. It was really the recipe for the orange dreamsicle smoothie on the back that took me in. I like that kind of flavored thing, so I thought I'd give it a try.

I made it this morning, but I had to choke it down too. I had toast for breakfast, but I know that's not really enough, especially if I'm going to try to ramp up my running...

I've felt ill since I finished the drink, though, too. Burping it. Feeling like it's in my throat. Sigh...

It's really upsetting to struggle with this. I'm trying to use reverse psychology to go against myself, but even that seems to be failing right now. Even some of the "crap" that I would normally gravitate towards isn't appetizing (Velveeta shells and cheese, microwave popcorn, freezer waffles).

I'm pushing onward, but this is really getting old.