It's difficult when circumstances conspire against you in so many ways that you cannot do even one little joyful thing that you want to do.
For me, that was running my race today. I didn't get to do it.
I'll spare you the details, but the heart of the matter is that stress is wearing me down. I've been really sick and not sleeping because of the stress in my life lately and that's just not okay.
So I'm resting today. 100%. It's a completely unplanned, nowhere to go, no obligations, nap if I want to, go for a walk, garden for hours, lay in the yard with my dog kind of day.
The hardest part is to not label this as a failure... because that's what it feels like to my type A, overachiever, go big or go home mind. I'm trying to reframe it as doing what I need to do to prevent an even bigger failure later in life. A give some to get more kind of trade... paying it forward.
This is not to say that I wasn't totally pissed when I woke up and it was an non-humid, sunny 63ยบ day (perfect racing weather, a rarity here in western PA). I was. But I'm trying to enjoy that in other ways now. Trying...
I totally hear you on this. My knee is not happy with me after my last race and I have another tomorrow and one next weekend. I'm debating skipping tomorrow's to rest for next weekend (because that one is much more important to me), but struggling with labeling that as giving up. Logically I know I should see how my knee is feeling tomorrow and then do what is best for my body, but it's hard.
ReplyDelete